Reflecting...

So I started my health and fitness journey a little earlier than most.  This year I didn't want to make a New Years resolution because for some reason that seems to create a lot of hype that is difficult to live up to.  I started my journey to be healthier and more fit in December which means I have been at it for 2 months and I have been sticking to it for 2 months.  I must say that I am pretty proud of myself right now.  I wanted to document this and make note of it because this is the point where I normally start to fall off.

I have been thinking a lot about what my motives are for embarking on this journey and a good majority of it comes from improving my body image - getting rid of the jiggly thighs, the back fat and the muffin top- but those reasons have not been enough for me to stick with it in the past.  Weight Watchers works and I lose weight and then I get tired of the tracking and the planning and I quit.  I have done exercise in the past and I start to see some definition and gain some strength and then I get wrapped up in work or schedule changes and I stop.

So to make it stick I need a different motivation - health.  Turning 35 has been a very interesting milestone.  My body has definitely changed and not for the better. Things hurt that didn't hurt before and things just don't work the same.  I want to be one of those women who looks forward to physical activity, who can walk an amusement park all day and go dancing at night.I had kids young so I will be 48 when the last one leaves the house and I want to feel good enough to travel and sight see and not be bogged down by my body.  This is part of the reason that I wanted to banish the scale.  I need to focus on how my body feels,  how my body is processing food and activity.  I want to be more mindful about what my body is telling me.  I don't want to feel a headache and just take a painkiller.  That doesn't address the reason for the headache - am i tired, am I hungry, am I dehydrated- those things are likely culprits but if not addressed are likely to get worse. Instead of popping pills, maybe a nap, a snack or a bottle of water can cure my body. 

I am definitely stuggling to keep that perspective right now.  I have been doing a new workout class which is BRUTAL.  I feel completely wiped when it is over (even jittery sometimes) but I LOVE that it pushes me past my physical comfort zone. However, I keep wishing that I had the scale to see how much weight these insane workouts are blasting off my body (mind you I have only taken 3 classes so I would probably be disappointed in the number anyway).  So why is feeling like I just accomplished something amazing, knowing that my body is working muscles I haven't worked in a long time (I have felt the discomfort in a different spot after each workout) and the knowledge that I am most certainly BLASTING calories away, not enough?

We have been so conditioned to measure progress by the number on the scale, by doctors and weight loss programs and tv shows and movies that letting it go has been much harder than I thought it would be. One thing the scale does provide is more of that instant gratification that is so prevalent in our society.  So even if I can't see the physical changes just yet, knowing that number has gone down 1,2 or 3 lbs tells me I am on the right track - or does it. Would I be happier with my body if I weighed 150 lbs?  What if all I could eat to get that "ideal" weight was fake weird diet food?  What if I was still jiggly at that weight?  What is I was that weight but had a life threatening illness??  I need my body to be HEALTHY and my weight is a small part of that.

SOOOO I need to set some non weight related goals that should help shift my focus...