AHHHHHHHHH

Giving up the scale is proving to be difficult.  It has been 3 days since I have stepped on and I KNOW that the number doesn't define me and that I really want to focus on lifting and health and how my body feels...but DAMN.  Why does a stupid number cause so much angst. I keep reminding myself that I was able to maintain for 6 months by just eating intuitively and not even exercising regularly so eating intuitively (while making a few conscious cutbacks) should yield the results that I want. I think being heavier and gaining while trying to count calories has freaked me out I and really need to see the lower numbers to set my mind at ease.  I fear that not paying attention to my weigh will have me back at the near 200 lbs point...but then does it matter if I weigh 200 lbs if I look the way I want too????  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH  I will not weigh myself, the scale can tell me nothing!!!!!!!!!!!